Recently, I sat down with a good friend of mine and had a much needed “therapy session”. During this session I realized two (2) things:
- I keep forgetting to detach.
- I cannot save anyone, that is Jesus’ job.
When you work in the mental health field, it is easier to diagnose others than it is to diagnose yourself. My friend did a great job letting me know that while I was pointing out what I felt others were suffering from, I forgot that I have my own issues. Not only do I have my own issues, I tend to take on the issues of others. While I am trying to assist others heal, I stop working on my own healing.
Healing is a Life Long Process
The truth is that I am able to point out those “flaws” in others because I have been there before. I can see them clearly because that person is reflection of me. It took me thirty four (34) years to get to the bottom of some of my flaws (issues) and do the work to start my journey to healing. However, one thing that I learned along the way is that self-love and healing is a life long process and everyone heals at their own pace.
I used to get upset and frustrated thinking I failed by not saving a person from their problems or their trauma, especially if it did not happen in my time. I used to get so immersed in other people’s problems that it would completely drain me. Then I started asking myself, “Why am I holding onto their fear and their trauma as if it’s my own”? That is their baggage to carry not mine, so why was I suffering?
Through “therapy sessions” with my friend, prayer, and a lot of solitude, I came to the realization that I was suffering because I was attached. Remember the article I wrote on detachment? Well, clearly sometimes I “forget” to take my own advice. Once I checked myself and detached, I realized all I can do is try my best to be there for someone. Everything else is up to God. I can give them all the tools they need to begin their healing process but in the end I have to accept that it is completely up to them to use those tools to change their life. It is not my duty to heal or save anyone. I am not God.
Moral of the Story:
AS LONG AS YOU TRY YOUR BEST, IT IS ENOUGH. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.